


Beethoven's Nightmare

by DashFlintceschi



Series: Illnesses/Disabilities Alphabet Challenge [19]
Category: You Me At Six
Genre: Dan being overdramatic, Josh being a sassy mofo, M/M, Max has a good idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 03:15:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1672658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFlintceschi/pseuds/DashFlintceschi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan loses his hearing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beethoven's Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tgrsndshrks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tgrsndshrks/gifts).



> Dan's views in this are not how I see deaf people. I just figured this is how someone would react to losing their hearing in their twenties. I have every respect for deaf people, but I understand how daunting and difficult it could be for someone, especially a musician, to be able to hear all their life and suddenly have it taken away. The deaf musicians mentioned in this are Beethoven's Nightmare, who's name I borrowed for the title, and Dame Evelyn Glennie, since I never actually mention them by name.
> 
> For tgrsndshrks, Happy Birthday!
> 
> Also, this is now the S entry for the Illnesses/Disabilities Alphabet Challenge. S is for Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss.

It starts gradually, so much so that Dan doesn’t notice it until it’s too late. He doesn’t notice that he’s had to turn the volume on the TV higher than usual, or that he’s started having to ask people to repeat themselves. So it’s a sudden shock for him when, one night, as they’re getting onto the tour bus to head to the next venue, Josh turns and says something to him, and he doesn’t hear a thing.

At first, he thinks it’s a joke, some stupid prank that Max thought up, but he realises it’s not when he tries to tell Josh to stop fucking around, and it hits him that he can’t hear his own voice. Josh and Matt’s expressions quickly go from bemused to worried as Dan’s eyes go impossibly wide.

“Am I talking right now? Can you hear me speaking?” He asks quickly, panicked. Josh nods and replies.

“Of course we can hear you, why wouldn’t we?” All Dan sees, though, is Josh nodding and moving his mouth in a completely indecipherable way. All this does is make Dan panic more.

“I can’t hear. I have no idea what you just said, because I can’t fucking hear!” He rambles, his voice rising until the noise attracts Max and Chris. 

Matt quickly fills them in and they decide that the best thing would be to go to the nearest hospital, so they quickly look up directions for the driver, while Max writes ‘hospital’ in big letters on a spare piece of paper for Dan’s benefit. It only takes five minutes to get to the nearest hospital, and Dan paces the bus for every second of it, humming random tunes constantly, in case his hearing comes back, which it doesn’t.

The A&E is quiet, so they’re seen quickly. Chris relays the doctor’s questions by typing them into the note feature on his phone and showing it to Dan. Once the doctor has the information he needs, he has a look at Dan’s ears, and when he doesn’t find anything obvious, he sends for the on-call ear, nose and throat specialist. 

An hour later, Dan’s hearing still hasn’t returned, and the test results are back. The specialist writes it down for Dan as he explains it aloud to his band mates. Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss, but they have no idea what caused it. According to the specialist, though, only ten to fifteen percent of sufferers ever find out what caused it. His hearing could come back over time, but all they can do is prescribe him a course of steroids, in the hope that it clears up whatever caused it, and wait and see.

The steroids don’t have an effect, so Dan’s doctor sends him to get his hearing tested, to find out how badly his hearing has been affected and what they can do to help him. The results say his hearing loss is ‘severe’, so his doctor has him fitted for hearing aids, which the doctor warns may not do much, if anything, to help him; and he gives Dan information for sign language and lip reading classes.

Dan struggles with these at first, but the hearing aids help him hear just enough to make lip reading easy. He still struggles to pick up the sign language, though, despite his band mates taking classes with him and doing their best to help him practice to make it easier.

His band mates know he’s struggling, but they don’t realise how much he over-thinks things, so it knocks them sideways when he does two things that are extremely out of character for him. The first is that he tries to end his three year relationship with Josh, claiming that if they stay together, Josh is going to end up basically being his carer, which Dan doesn’t want to happen. Josh responds to this by smacking the back of Dan’s head, giving him a bollocking and telling him to stop being so fucking stupid.

The second happens a few weeks later. He sits his band mates down and, using sign language to the best of his ability at their insistence, tells them he’s quitting the band. This is just about the last thing they expected to ever hear from him, so it takes them a few minutes to take it in. They try their best to talk him out of it, but he seems much more adamant about this.

They go back and forth on it for a few weeks, until Chris, ever the rational one, Googles deaf musicians and gives Dan a surprisingly extensive list of deaf and hearing impaired musicians who have had successful careers, despite their hearing problems, including a band who’s members are all deaf, and a percussionist who was awarded the title of Dame Commander for her contributions to music. This sways Dan’s opinion, but not completely. He tells them that he’s still not sure how exactly he’s supposed to keep playing, when he can’t hear the rest of them to keep in time with them. This stumps them slightly, but then Max has a brainwave.

Over the past few months, Max has been teaching Dan how to play the guitar, so Max sits down across from him with his guitar in his lap. He positions his left hand on the frets and looks up at Dan.

“Which chord is this?” He asks, and Dan frowns as he tries to figure out what Max is up to.

“That’s easy, it’s C Major,” he answers without having to think about it, and Max grins. He runs through six more chords, grinning more each time Dan identifies them easily. 

After his experiment, he reveals his idea to the rest of them.

“So, I had a thought. I’ve been teaching Dan to play, so he knows all the chords. It would be easy enough for Chris or me to stand in front of the riser, facing Dan, so he can see what chords we’re playing, so he can keep time with us.”

The four of them nod, impressed with Max’s idea, but Dan finds a problem.

“But how do we know I’ll be able to see you? When we tried it, we were in a brightly lit room, and you were right in front of me,” Max frowns as he tries to think of a solution, but it’s Matt that comes up with one.

“We could have our lighting guy change the setup, so there’s a bright light pointed right in front of the riser constantly, and we could try it out during sound check, if whichever one of them does it isn’t close enough standing in front of the riser, they could stand on the riser in front of the drums instead,” he suggests, and none of them can find a problem with this, so they agree to try it when they go on tour in a month’s time.

By the time the tour starts, all five of them are mostly fluent in sign language, and it’s become their main form of communication, to the point that they occasionally catch themselves signing when Dan isn’t even there. Dan insists that the other four continue to talk aloud while they’re signing with him, so he can still practice lip reading, an idea that Josh spends an entire night rewarding him for.

None of them have mentioned Dan’s deafness on any kind of social media, they haven’t felt the need to. It becomes common knowledge to their fans the day before tour starts, though. They’re doing an interview with Kerrang!, when the interviewer asks Dan a question. He says it far too quickly, and doesn’t move his mouth very much, so Dan doesn’t catch it. He politely asks him to repeat himself, which he does, but again, it’s too fast with not enough movement. Dan pauses for a few seconds, replaying the movements in his mind in an attempt to decipher it, but he still can’t, so he turns to Matt and signs, _‘what the hell did he just say? I have no fucking clue’_. Matt signs back, relaying the question to him, and Dan nods his thanks. He turns back to the interviewer to answer, and finds him frowning in confusion.

Dan sighs, realising he’s going to have to explain. He answers the original question, then quickly explains his new situation. The interviewer is really understanding about it, even offering to edit the video of the interview before it goes online, so no-one sees that part. Dan decides to decline the offer. He never planned on keeping it a secret, he had just hoped he could go a little longer without seeing pity in his fans eyes. After that, the interviewer speaks slower and more clearly, but not in the condescending way that some people do. He has the cameraman turn the camera off for a few minutes, and experiments with it, speaking at different speeds and moving his mouth in different ways, until they find the best way for him to speak for Dan to understand.

Within an hour of the interview going up on Kerrang’s website, Dan’s Twitter is overrun with people tweeting him about it. He puts up with it at first, answering people’s questions to the best of his ability, but after three hours, he loses it and tweets that anyone else that tweets him asking about his hearing will be blocked and reported. He gets a few more people continuing to ask anyway, and more than a few bitching at him, but all of them are swiftly blocked and reported, and everyone else takes the hint.

The next afternoon, Dan, Josh and Max go out to meet the fans that have started queuing early. Most of them are alright, acting as though Dan can hear them perfectly, which he appreciates; some of them even learned a little sign language to talk to him, which he finds sweet; the only problem is a group of two girls and three guys, who talk to him in that condescending way, and, according to Josh, shout quite loudly in his direction, Dan responds to this by signing some rather rude phrases at them and turning away from them, ignoring them completely the rest of the time he’s out there.

When they sound check that afternoon, they try out Matt and Max’s idea. They spoke to Steve, their lighting tech, before tour started, and he was happy to change the setup for them, so when Chris stands in front of Dan’s riser, there’s a bright white light shining on him, and Dan can see him perfectly, more importantly, he can see his hands and his guitar perfectly. They run through the first thirty seconds of every song on the set list before they check properly, and every time, Dan identifies the song immediately, and manages to keep time with Chris without a problem.

When they go onstage that night, Dan doesn’t look towards the crowd until he’s settled behind his drums. When he does look, he gets slightly choked up. What seems like every single person in the crowd has their hands in the air, waving them in the generally recognised ‘jazz hands’ motion. He’d expected pity from their fans, not for three thousand people to learn how to cheer in sign language for him. Josh translates for him as he thanks them profusely, and the show goes off without a hitch.

When they get back to the bus, they all head straight to bed. The adrenalin rush from playing mixes with the affection Dan’s feeling from seeing the crowd signing, and the result is that, as soon as Josh lies down in their bunk, Dan slides over and straddles Josh’s hips, his teeth nipping at Josh’s throat.

He feels Josh’s throat vibrate, then his hands pushing his shoulders slightly, and Dan pulls away, looking slightly hurt and dejected. Josh gives him a gentle smile and starts signing. _‘I’m not pushing you away, I was just wondering what brought it on’_ , Dan sighs quietly in relief and replies, _‘I don’t really know what brought it on, I just really need to feel connected to you right now.’_ Josh nods and smiles understandingly, then strokes Dan’s face gently as his other hand grips Dan’s t-shirt and pulls him back down.

Dan very rarely bottoms, so as their tongues tangle heatedly, Josh starts wriggling to rearrange them, so Dan’s between his legs, but Dan presses his hands to Josh’s hips to still him, shaking his head as he murmurs a small ‘uh uh’ noise. Josh quickly realises what Dan wants and moans softly at the thought as he flips them over. 

They both move things along quickly, undressing each other as fast as possible, and within a minute, Josh is hitching Dan’s legs around his hips as he sinks a generously lubed finger into Dan. He whines softly at the burn, burying his face into Josh’s neck as Josh runs his hand along Dan’s spine, murmuring softly to him and hoping the vibrations from his throat are as comforting as the actual words. It seems to work, as Dan quickly relaxes, and only a few minutes pass before Josh has four fingers inside him, teasing his prostate as Dan writhes against him, panting harshly and whining for a completely different reason.

Josh uses his free hand to lube himself up as he reduces Dan to an incoherent mess. Once he’s ready, he slides his fingers out, smirking as Dan whimpers at the loss, which quickly turns into a slightly pained moan as Josh pushes into him. Josh rests his forearms on either side of Dan’s head as he holds still, waiting for him to adjust. As soon as Dan nods, Josh drops his head to rest on Dan’s shoulder and starts thrusting, slowly at first, Dan’s moans and the way his hips jerk up to meet his encouraging him to set a fast, hard rhythm.

It doesn’t take him long to find Dan’s prostate again, and once he does, he slams into him even harder as Dan throws his head back, moaning loudly. Josh can’t help but smirk to himself at that. Before he lost his hearing, Dan was always mostly quiet in bed, even when he bottomed, but now that he can’t hear himself, he’s making a ridiculous amount of noise.

Josh feels himself getting close, and tries to stave it off, but then it doesn’t matter, as Dan tightens his legs around Josh’s waist, his fingers trailing over Josh’s stomach as his back arches. He grunts softly, then makes a noise that resembles a strangled yelp as he cums across his stomach. Josh cums as soon as Dan clenches around him, his hips stuttering as his thrusts turn shallow and sloppy as he rides it out.

He pulls out slowly and collapses next to Dan, landing on his side and curling into him. Josh lifts his hand and tucks in his thumb, middle and ring fingers, the extended index and pinkie pointing towards Dan in the sign language for ‘I love you’. Dan smiles blissfully and returns the gesture, touching the tips of his fingers to Josh’s.

After that night, Josh starts acting strange; disappearing for hours at a time, and acting cagey when Dan asks where he’s been; suddenly deciding he needs privacy to take phone calls, which he’s never done before; and the one that bothers Dan the most, at least once a day, he’ll turn his head away from Dan during a conversation, so he can’t read his lips. Dan gives Josh the benefit of the doubt at first, but after a few weeks, with Josh acting stranger and more distant with each passing day, Dan lets his worst fear creep into his mind, the fear that’s been haunting him since he first lost his hearing. Josh has gotten bored of his charity case boyfriend and found someone else. Dan doesn’t blame him, he just wishes Josh had let him break up with him all those weeks ago, maybe then, it wouldn’t hurt so much to see him move on.

When Dan’s fear gets the better of him and he confronts Josh, it quickly turns into an explosive argument, complete with screaming, crying and throwing things. The other three walk onto the bus right in the middle of it all, Matt only just managing to dodge the unusually thick and heavy drum damper that Dan’s just thrown at Josh.

“Stop lying! I just want the truth!” Dan screams, cutting Max off as he starts to demand to know what’s going on.

“I’m not fucking lying! How could you think that I would ever cheat on you?!” Josh roars, and the three of them gape at them both in shock.

“How the fuck else do you explain the way you’ve been acting?! I understand if you don’t love me anymore, but at least show me the courtesy of being honest with me!” Josh just gapes at him for a few seconds, then laughs humourlessly.

“How many times do I have to say it before it sinks into that thick skull of yours?! I still fucking love you, and I have not, nor would I ever cheat on you!” He snarls, sighing in frustration as Dan drops his head into his hands and sobs.

Josh is just about to close the distance between them and try to comfort him, when Dan looks up at him again and seems to steel himself.

“Either tell me the truth, or we’re done,” he insists quietly, and Josh freezes in shock for a few seconds. He reaches out beseechingly as his eyes fill with tears.

“Baby, please, I swear on my life, I am telling you the truth,” he whispers, and Dan just looks at him for a moment, as though he’s trying to decide whether or not he believes him. Finally, he sobs softly as he raises his hands from his sides. _‘I guess we’re done, then,’_ he signs, then turns and leaves the bus as quickly as possible.

There’s only three days left on the tour, and they’re awkward as hell. All Max, Chris and Matt can do is sit on the sidelines and watch sadly as Dan does everything in his power to avoid Josh, while Josh alternates between desperately trying to get Dan to talk to him, and sobbing heartbrokenly.

When they get back to Weybridge, Dan goes to his mum’s, rather than the flat he and Josh have been living in for the last year and a half. He has most of his clothes and his laptop with him from tour, so he doesn’t go near their flat for several weeks. He holes himself away, only seeing anyone when they have band practice twice a week, and even then, he only talks to any of them if he absolutely has to, and only answers anything Josh says if Chris relays the conversation between them.

After almost two months, Dan goes back to their flat, to get the rest of his stuff, but only after texting Max to make sure Josh isn’t there. He’s picking through their shared underwear drawer, trying to figure out which are his, when something catches his eye, nestled at the very bottom of the drawer in the back corner. He can’t help the dread that rises in his chest as he realises it’s a small velvet box, and he finally puts two and two together.

He picks it up and pops it open, just as a small gust of air lets him know that someone’s just opened the bedroom door behind him. He spins around and finds Josh standing in the doorway, still with that kicked puppy look he’s had for the past two months. _‘This is why you were acting so strange?’_ He signs, and Josh nods sadly. _‘I was going to ask you on your dad’s birthday, to maybe make the day a bit easier for you, but you never gave me the chance,’_ he signs back, and Dan can’t help the sobs that bubble up as he looks down at the box in his hands, holding two gorgeous rings, platinum, Dan thinks, each with a teardrop-shaped topaz set into it.

He jumps and looks up as Josh’s fingers ghost along his jaw. 

“How could you ever have thought I’d cheat on you?” He asks sadly, gently wiping Dan’s tears away with his thumbs. 

“I thought you’d finally gotten sick of putting up with me. I know how much of a hassle I am now,” Dan whispers, and in an echo from all those months ago, Josh slaps him on the back of the head.

“Don’t be so fucking stupid. I love you, and I always will, even if you end up a deafblind quadriplegic, I will always love you, and I will never, _never_ ‘get sick of putting up with you’, or think you’re a hassle, do you understand me?” He snaps, and all Dan can do is nod as his tears come back full force and choke him slightly.

Josh nods happily at that, and takes the ring box from Dan, taking both rings from it and sliding one onto Dan’s finger, handing him the other so he can return the favour. When they get married, Josh surprises Dan by signing his vows as he says them aloud. Thankfully, Dan never does end up being a deafblind quadriplegic, but even though his hearing never comes back, he never doubts Josh again.


End file.
